And while there's some exhilaration in that step, a sense of the pieces coming together, there's also loss. This is, after all, the place where I first publicly identified myself as an actor and honestly spoke of following the dream. For five years, I've documented the good (SXSW, True Grit, Cell) and the bad (broken ankle, missed opportunities).
The move isn't an abandonment of the art.
It's a realization that the art doesn't live in a vacuum.
The work I do as a writer informs it. The work I do as an author draws from the same well. It's just taken me a bit longer than some to figure out that I can't neatly compartmentalize dreams and work. Done well, they coexist.
Here's an example.
I read an article in the NYTimes this morning that spoke about love--specifically the ability to will it into being:
"I’ve begun to think love is a more pliable thing than we make it out to be. Arthur Aron’s study taught me that it’s possible — simple, even — to generate trust and intimacy, the feelings love needs to thrive."I know this is true.
When you're an actor in a committed relationship, love scenes can feel complicated. For my first, I was conflicted. If I feel love in the moment, am I being disloyal to my relationship?
An acting friend gave me really good advice. He told me in the moment, I should feel it. That all the time I've committed to the craft, all the time away from my partner, all the work is wasted if I half-ass my way through the scene. The ability to do this, to 'feel it' in the moment requires something very similar to Aron's study. Vulnerability, trust, intimacy, space.
As I think this over, I think of the acting partners who have given me this gift. I think of the relationships grown from this space. I think of the love that the craft has brought into my life, and I am so very grateful.
Last, I think that tonight I'm going to pull out Aron's 36 questions and start the exploration at home--spend some time learning about the man I've loved for more than half my life.
Because when it's time to integrate your life's dreams, there's really no time like now.
xoxo
To keep up with Aimee--the actor, the author and the writer--visit RubberbandSlingshot.
