Thursday, September 23, 2010

A moment of grace

So, it's early. I have a travel mug of coffee in one hand and ballet slippers in another. Hair in a messy ponytail. Bag slung over my shoulder. And a voice, my voice, comes into my head--"I am living the life I wanted." Wait, and listen--I am living the life I wanted!

It's true. In a dark time a few years ago, a dear friend pulled me through. One day, she made me write down what I'd be doing if I could do anything. For me, that included a sunny apartment in NYC, a warm mug of coffee, a job that meant exercise, dance and movement classes during the day and performances at night.

And I realized that while the details are not the same, the feelings and emotions and satisfaction that I thought that combination of things would bring to me has come to me. In places and forms I couldn't even imagine when I wrote that fantasy down on paper. Better than I could have imagined, because it includes the comfort of my home, the love of my husband, a city that embraces rather than judges and a mess of friends who love me for me and want me to succeed. Holy shit. There's nothing more in the world anyone needs. It's an embarrassment of riches, regardless of what happens in this biz. The pursuit--the life--is the joy.

And then I got to my ballet class, and it was canceled. And, this morning, the messiness of real life is just fine too.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Still Kickin'

I have this weird in-between feeling right now--have a few weeks in October when I'll be totally out of commission--which leaves me 'dead' time right now. Not enough time to really chew into something. Passing on opportunities that fall too close to those days.

I'm ready to be back in classes, but lots of the fall classes run through those two unavailable October weeks. So...I found a great playwright (new to me) that may be providing me with my new comic monologue. I'm working on that. Finishing up a book on the history of modern indy films. Going on auditions. Following up with contacts. And trying to feel like an actor, knowing sure as anything that two or three things will likely break at the same time!

If you stumble on this, send some positive thoughts out to my extended family. They need 'em, and I'm passing em' on as fast as I can.

Awesome news--I was watching the two filmed in Texas shows tonight--Lone Star and Chase-- and two of the actors from this summer's movie, Favor, were in them--Donny Boaz in Lone Star and Tamara Jolaine in Chase. I love seeing my friends on the big and little screens!!! Great job, guys!