Thursday, September 23, 2010

A moment of grace

So, it's early. I have a travel mug of coffee in one hand and ballet slippers in another. Hair in a messy ponytail. Bag slung over my shoulder. And a voice, my voice, comes into my head--"I am living the life I wanted." Wait, and listen--I am living the life I wanted!

It's true. In a dark time a few years ago, a dear friend pulled me through. One day, she made me write down what I'd be doing if I could do anything. For me, that included a sunny apartment in NYC, a warm mug of coffee, a job that meant exercise, dance and movement classes during the day and performances at night.

And I realized that while the details are not the same, the feelings and emotions and satisfaction that I thought that combination of things would bring to me has come to me. In places and forms I couldn't even imagine when I wrote that fantasy down on paper. Better than I could have imagined, because it includes the comfort of my home, the love of my husband, a city that embraces rather than judges and a mess of friends who love me for me and want me to succeed. Holy shit. There's nothing more in the world anyone needs. It's an embarrassment of riches, regardless of what happens in this biz. The pursuit--the life--is the joy.

And then I got to my ballet class, and it was canceled. And, this morning, the messiness of real life is just fine too.

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